I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write. It would break my heart if you thought my silence meant I don't love you. To the contrary, I’ve saved all 97+ of your notes. Each of them is a precious gem to me.
Sometimes, when I’m having a rough day, I shuffle through them - knowing you've left me some little nugget that will fit the occasion perfectly. I always find exactly what I need, and read it and reread it until I can practically recite your words verbatim. I love your “soft touch”, gently nudging me to remember things like how strange and wild and brilliant dolphins are, or to put “happy dancing” on my to-do list. Remember that time you reminded me that adversity often means great healing is on it’s way? Well, I really needed it - that very day. Somehow your timing is always eerily perfect. But I guess that’s not altogether surprising. You are the Universe, after all.
Perhaps it’s your exquisite timing, infallible logic, and sharp-but-sensitive sentiments that have kept me from writing for so long. What could I possibly say to the Universe that wouldn't feel bulky and undignified in comparison. You set the bar pretty high. You must know that.
And then there is the issue of logistics. Have you ever considered providing a return address with your notes? Even when I gathered the courage to write, I’ve found myself retreating into the excuse that I didn’t know where to send my letters. Pathetic. I know.
But when my father and I decided to move to Two Flounders, I realized I would be just as bad as you if I didn't provide a "change of address notice". I hope you'll love Two Flounders as much as I do. The whole idea of Two Flounders is to live exactly as you suggest-- freely and openly and loudly and colorfully. It would mean the world to me to get the Universe's endorsement of what we're trying to do. I know Two Flounders doesn't have a "well-wishes" section like Caring Bridge did, so perhaps you'll consider leaving your notes for me on our Facebook page? This is something that you and I can continue to work through as Two Flounders takes shape. Because I'd hate to stop hearing from you.
While we're here, I figure I should probably touch base about something else I've been thinking about.
As you know, Tanya has been dutifully serving as your courier for over a year. Of course you do. Selecting Tanya to represent you was no accident, was it? You knew I needed to hear from her. You knew I needed her energy in my world. That “Horse-With-No-Name”, minion-lovin’, yoga engineer energy. I should tell you that she's been a shining example of your advice. Sometimes when I have trouble receiving your words, she encourages me just by being her.
The other day, Tanya expressed some concern about the best way to support me. All of a sudden it occurred to me. I was intimidated by writing to you, but Tanya might think that I didn’t appreciate what you were sending my way. Or worse yet, she might think I didn’t appreciate hearing from her.
So I’m writing you now to tell you how deeply I appreciate your insight, and for knowing what I need. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, can you send Tanya some universe-level love? Reassure her that I need her just as much as I ever have, and just as much as I need you.
Thank you, Universe. Thank you for dolphins and for happy dances. Thank you for Tanya.
With Love and Gratitude,