Saturday was July 14th, which means it has officially been 5 months since my father and I decided to launch Two Flounders into existence-- since we vowed to share our thoughts and our lives and our hearts on the interwebs in a way that was a bit more accessible. Since we decided to consolidate our creative outlets into one "cohesive" space.
We had so much ambition when we first began about daily and weekly meetings, continuing blogger education, expansion, marketing and outreach. Many of these ideas still cross my mind with some regularity. They remind me of the change at the bottom of my wallet. All real, valuable concepts that can be cashed-in at any moment. And yet, for some reason they just sit there, value unrealized, clinking on occasion to taunt me when I reach for the more convenient option-- like a credit card or a $5 bill. The truth is, I could probably pay for that Snickers bar in change. But it takes time to count, so I pass in pursuit of something that requires (subjectively) less effort.
If I'm honest, I get a little down on myself when I think of the things I haven't yet accomplished with Two Flounders, because I know how much more it could be. I'm infamous for allowing "perfection [to become] the enemy of the good"; something my boss from another lifetime, Mark, used to warn against.
So today-- partially in an attempt to kick myself into gear, and partially as a form of self-guided catharsis-- I've decided to prepare my own Five-Month Employee Evaluation. It looks something like this:
Name: Abigail Mayer
Hire Date: 2/14/18
Attendance and Punctuality: Poor
Notes: Abi does not arrive on time. Ever. Must establish mutually agreed-upon schedule to enable better accountability.
Job Knowledge: Poor
Notes: Abi knows very little about what is required to be a "successful blogger."
Work Quality: Fair
Notes: When Abi actually does work, it is fairly well-executed. She takes her time to thoughtfully craft her pieces.
Support of Team: Fair
Notes: While Abi certainly does not carry her full share of the weight, she does act as the team's biggest cheerleader and is hugely supportive of their pursuit of the organizational mission.
Alignment with Organizational Mission: Excellent
Notes: Abi embodies the spirit of Two Flounders at her core. She understands the "why" of this organization in a way that shows her deep and deliberate devotion to our important mission. Abi has demonstrated this understanding in a myriad of ways during the last five months. Some examples of her successes to follow.
Making Christmas Dinner in February and March and April and May and June. Gearing up for Christmas in July.
Daring to travel to California.
Ducking out to the beach with her friends from Camp Vanilla Bean, even after an extended trip and an emotional appointment week. Soaking up every second. Watching the seemingly syncopated rhythm of birds flying past as Roy G. Biv painted the morning sky into a real life impressionist masterpiece.
Climbing a mountain (like, a for real MOUNTAIN) with the sibs. And really not being sure if she was able. But doing it anyway. Crying from raw nerve (and utter exhaustion) on the top. Finishing with a jog.
Sneaking up to Cleveland to shower Dustin and Danielle with a little pre-Emerson love. Snagging some photos along the way.
Loving on Sweet Pea and her parents.
Escaping many, many difficult scenarios in Charlottesville with Lizzie and Jonathan. Reaffirming her belief that the mountains are her happiest place. Along with every other place that includes people she loves.
Dancing the night away in NYC, fighting through nausea and back pain to have the best pasta she's ever had in her life. And licking a Salty Pimp.
Making her brother and sister-in-law feel as special as she could on their wedding day. Daring to serve as the novice florist and terrified officiant. Reading a deeply personal love letter out loud in front of 60+ people.
Crafting seaturtles out of sand with her littlest and most destructive cousins.
And a million smaller, quieter moments in between. Like cuddling with Harvey and Sam and Mario and Hailey and Bindi when she's not at 100%. Or hugging her husband when he gets home from a long day. Or "flossing" at Pizza Club.
Follow-Through and Execution: Meh...
Notes: Abi has laid the foundation to be a Superstar (not just a Rockstar, for those Kim Scott/ Radical Candor fans in the audience) at Two Flounders. If we can unlock the motivation factor here, we will undoubtedly uncover something great together.
Much like what (I'm told) happens in the real world, my "quarterly" review (read: 25 cents, if you are still riding the loose change analogy with me) has come and gone. We are just shy of waiting it out until I could focus on a more logical six-month review. So why now did I decide to get out of my own way?
Well, today brings news. Today I will find out whether the immunotherapy regimen I have been on has been effective or if we need to change course. It was important to (share with you) remind myself that, even if I haven't achieved "Excellence" in all facets of this relatively new venture, there is one thing at which I have been incredibly successful: living a full life. To remind myself that even if today my cancer makes me scared or angry or anxious, I have been winning a lot lately. To remind myself that even if I haven't been doing a great job on Two Flounders, Two Flounders is still doing a great job on me.